What to do with my life.....

Well as of January 7th my "life of leisure" ended and it was back to the daily grind of a 9-5 job. I cried and still cry, I miss my boys terribly when I am at work and I feel bad that I have to leave them. I know that they are loved and getting the best care possible at Nana's but I am sad that she sees them more then I do. I miss picking Stevie up from school and seeing the excitement in his face as he tells me what he learned about that day. He is becoming such a little man and has a little social circle that grows daily. Every mom in the class says that their child is always talking about Stevie and they all love him. I miss just seeing how caring he is towards his brother as they quietly play in the living room or as they share cars on the race track. I missed seeing Cooper walk, he did it at home only to find out he has been doing it at Nana's for days. I miss seeing him learn how to do things on his own and to see his face when he is so proud of himself for doing it. I miss the random hugs and kisses from both of them and Stevie excitedly saying "Mom, I have to tell you something right now.....I love you".
I enjoy my job immensely but my boys as always come first. Work is being flexible and I am probably going to be able to get one day off every two weeks to spend more time with the kids which is making it a little easier. It truly has made me realize I want to stay at home and raise my children. I want to be the mom that drops my kids off at school with roller in my hair and slippers on my feet. I want to be there for all the moments, all the hugs, all the boo boos and all the kisses. Until we are able for me to stay at home with the kids I will spend the day counting down the minutes until I can go get the boys. Stevie comes running with a big hug and as he says "he needs a minute to hold Mom" and Cooper is so excited he hyperventilates and jumps in my arms with big hugs. That makes my day every day and reminds me to focus on the time I have with them not the time I am missing.